Belated Birthday Resolutions 2025
Why?
Why reflect and set resolutions? To look forward to something. To have an aim. It's really not about plans and details, because those can change drastically through the year. It's more about having a compass to guide me towards where I want to be headed.
This year I'm picking a theme and integrating that into the 4 dimensions: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual.
Past: 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011.
Gut check
The last 2 months of 2025 have been a whirlwind of emotions: beautiful peace, joy, worship, followed by heavy sadness, tears and struggles.
I reflected and wrote so much over the last 5 weeks, I'm still exhausted. I'm writing this starting on the Monday mid-holiday, between Christmas and New Year's, after 2-ish days off of rest.
A lot of this year I've had little motivation to push harder in work, due to people problems: it's difficult managing people, difficult being a leader and not making mistakes. I had to work through a lot of self-doubt and question my moral compass and my perspective: did I do wrong? Am I a bad person? Overly analyzing the same things and going around in circles... it's an unfortunate signature of my brain's inner workings and INTJ tendencies.
And then personally, some of the same tendencies to overthink, broken trust and hurt someone, and feeling the weight of aging parents to support. I take on external pains so fully that they become heavier than my own, somehow paralyzing me in days of self-punishment.
Instead, over the last month or so, I've been gradually leaning into faith and trust in God to help me move forward. Realizing that my own understanding is so limited, my own perspective as well, and there's really little to nothing I can do about many things. I can't control how people age, how they act towards each other, if and when they forgive me. For any relationship to be repaired, it takes two.
One notable change from 2024: while I still have a strong urge to solve problems ASAP, I have spent so much less time chasing. Instead I would step away and go towards something I enjoy, such as swimming, kiteboarding, spending time in nature. I didn't feel the pressure of time nearly as much, and the constant review and revisit the idea that there is time, just enough time, has helped.
The compassion theme for 2025 served me well, although I didn't always live up to it.
Sidenote: This year I'm dictating most of the post using Whispering, which does a better job of transcribing with punctuation.
2025 in review
It's interesting to note the similarities between 2024 and this year. Although this year didn't start out quite as stressful. There was still a stressful event in the business within the first quarter. By April I started going to church.
In the middle of March I already went out to kite at Aurora once and by middle of April to Wyoming as well, stepping away from work gradually after delivering a project at the end of May.
I really made the most of summer with camping, hanging out with friends, enjoying the water, enjoying swimming. I also started a physical recovery program for my shoulder and neck. I'm still doing this program and I've seen great results in mobility and strength already. I've been really diligent about doing my stretches every day and staying strong.
Heading into fall. I was making the most of wind season and grateful that the business was getting just enough work to keep going. Finally come November, I was away for three weeks in Mexico by myself. This was the time of inner exploration and some of the big changes with my partner and my parents. I'm still reckoning with all of these major life events happening at once.
The year ended with a nice holiday and lots of emotions. There has been so much to process this year, and I really feel like I'm entering midlife, and I'm no longer a child with no responsibilities or a young adult. It's so much the process that I will hand it over to God because I don't have the strength by myself to make sense of it all and understand what it will all be adding up to. I spent so much time introspecting and analyzing and asking why and resisting it. So I'm not as stressed mentally by work, which is really great: I'm grateful that part of my life is not demanding my full attention right now. But my personal life is and I feel emotional and full of energy and like I'm always walking around five minutes away from crying.
For 2025, my goals were:
- Physical: Steady and Balanced
- Emotional: Warmth and Connectedness
- Mental: Tranquility, Roots and Leadership
- Spiritual: Fly and Play
Physical: Move, Play, Give Myself Time
Grade: A+
Affirmation:
My body wants to heal and feel better. It wants to play and enjoy moving.
Physically I'm in a really good place from a year ago.
My weight and waist are the lowest in 3+ years. My waist is actually the lowest it's been since I started measuring 3+ years ago. I did lose some muscle mass, as it would be hard not to when losing nearly 15lbs, but I feel strong.
I've also been the most active this year compared to past years: 2 trips to Mexico, the most kite days in Colorado+Wyoming, all in all maybe 40 days on the water.
I've kept up with swimming, and swam about 2x/week consistently, occasionally more, 1km in 26-30 minutes. I swam in Mexico too, sometimes 2x a day, and loved seeing all the fish and being in that warm, clear water. Swimming has gotten so much easier than when I started in September of last year!
Plus, since May I've been doing daily stretches for 30+ minutes, and for the last 3-4 months of the year I'm also doing 3 days of strengthening my shoulders and core. Between all that, I've had less pain, less cramping and much better mobility when doing exercises.
A big theme of this year was to improve and reduce the pain in my shoulder and keep it strong.I managed to do that to a large extent and I would say eighty percent of the way there. There's some soreness in my forearm and occasionally, when I work long days or exercise too hard, my shoulder does act up and it goes into my elbow or my forearm. But I have a much better understanding of it now. I can't really dock any points off myself for it not healing completely since I did everything very well. And I prioritized my well being. I allowed myself to enjoy many days of being physically active. And I'm in this place where I feel fit and strong and eager to keep moving. And that's really amazing for being 38.
Well:
- Increased mobility in my left shoulder, a better understanding of the pain triggers.
- Stronger arms, shoulder rotators. The last 4 months I've been doing strengthening exercises and have been able to increase the strength and time spent holding certain postures. There's a clear sense of progress.
- I got a treadmill in the middle of the year and started using it to walk at my desk. Usually thirty minutes, sometimes twice a day. So I spent more time moving and minding my posture.
- I've been doing daily stretches strengthening three times a week.
- I swam twice a week most weeks of the year and after getting back from Mexico I felt such motivation that I've been swimming four times a week. Feels amazing. Swimming has gotten so much easier that I routinely swim 1km and it's only taking me 26-28min. My heartbeat is also consistently lower. And I could really notice this at sea level when I got into swimming in the sea. And I could just keep going and going and going and my breath was not running out. If anything, it was my arms that would get tired. So rewarding! I'm really proud of how much progress I've made.
- Enjoyed doing some Pilates and weightlifting. I was working out until about the middle of the year when I started doing the physical recovery. And after about a seven month break, I'm now eager to get back into working out.
- My waist is the slimmest it's been in 3+ years (with a half inch lost in the last 2 months), and weight lowest in 3.5 years, even 4+ years (I weighed 5lb less mid-2021, when I started measuring).
- Bonus from the daily leg stretching exercises I've been able to kite on the water and, when I get off, not feel such a strong pain and discomfort in my left leg, quad in particular.
- This is probably a record year of number of days on the water to kiteboard as I went to Mexico twice and was able to get started hiding in Colorado as early as mid-March and continued until mid-October. I even took a trip to Nebraska to camp for one night around Cinco de Mayo with a friend. That was really fun.
- Did a good job leaving more space for things, so I'm not always in a rush.
- Kept up with walking throughout the year.
- I think I figured out that my digestion generally does really well when I'm emotionally open and not holding on to things. If I do hold on to something, I usually have a tougher time and feel more bloated. Still enjoying eating bread, in fact I'm having lots of it!
- Would have liked to hang out with friends and play more games, but really got to do some great fun activities this year. Bowling, new board games, great conversations, playing tennis with dad
Nell:
- Didn't do much yoga. But with all the stretching I did, I feel like this one gets a pass.
- I still struggle sometimes to take a break from work when I get into zone.
- Didn't get wing gear. That was a conscious decision, by Black Friday. Maybe I will next year. At this point I'm ready.
Intention:
Be curious about how I feel, check in daily.
While I still get some shoulder pain and my neck is still sore. I feel like it's on the path to keep healing and going back seven months I can definitely see there's been improvement.
I got an infrared heating pad this year, and I'm hoping to use that more along with the other tools that I've accumulated over time. I think heat and ice seemed to work the best as far as providing relief and reducing inflammation. Then stretching and strengthening on top of that, keep the body functional, mobile and strong.
Emotional: Self Compassion and Quality Experiences
Grade: A-
This year I learned that getting emotionally stirred can bring up a lot of energy and motivation to expend that emotional energy in a physical way or a mental way.
When I chose to act out physically, I've been doing it in very healthy ways. In contrast to mentally, while it's helped me to process the emotions by thinking about them, sometimes it led to me leaning on the wrong people, saying the wrong things, or blaming and torturing myself over my feelings or actions.
I would say that this year I struggle the most with self compassion. I spent a lot of time going around in circles in my head processing what's happened. In addition to what happened with work and some difficulties with a past employee, I also had a tough ending of the year with major events all happening at once. Suddenly it felt like there was too much to process and no end in sight. And I felt resistance to being present. I wanted to get away. I wanted to go off on my own or just be with my partner and have no responsibilities and no worries and everything just fine between us.
But there is no magic wand I could wave. And I've never been one to run away from responsibilities without looking back. I couldn't see myself uprooting my whole life or disappearing no matter how much I wanted to.
Affirmation:
I am doing my best and, when I need to, I rest. I take time to empathize with myself and others.
Before the year end holiday, I felt exhausted and overwhelmed. I spent the last week resting a lot, cuddling, seeing family, and somehow remained emotionally open. I love this feeling and the motivation and energy it gives me. And I hope to maintain it going into the new year for months and months. At the same time, if I think about compassion and especially self-compassion, it's been challenging. There have been times when I got mad at my partner or my parents, and I hope to have more mercy for everyone, including myself. I not hold things to such a high bar.
That's more emotional sin, I look forward to lean more on God to help guide me towards commitment and loyalty.
Well:
- Found compassion towards others. In many ways much better than towards myself. Especially as the year came to an end, I felt so emotionally open and willing to listen. It was such a strong ending that I'm having a hard time remembering how the rest of the year went, really.
- A bigger focus on family and my partner. And less focus on the day to day grind.
- Going to church gave me a weekly emotional outlet. I cried most times. And perhaps this is why in the end of the year it was so easy to build up towards even more emotional openness.
- Regular reminders to help my partner with her goals. Made me feel like I'm contributing a little bit more.
- So my parents more frequently. I'm not sure if I always hit twice a month. But I tried to help more. And sometimes did. This intensified after I got back from Mexico and I've been seeing them nearly every week.
- Although we didn't travel anywhere together. My partner came camping with me once and that was super cute. I watch lots of TV shows and movies and had many good conversations and delicious food experiences.
- I responded better to my co workers when things weren't going swimmingly. There were definitely opportunities to be more critical and then I tried to be constructive and supportive. Not perfect, but better than in the past.
- Nice to spend time with some kiteboarding buddies. A couple of them I feel like I got to know better.
Nell:
- I didn't really meditate this year. It was very sporadic.
- I would struggle to listen to my partner sometimes and make her feel hurt. Reading this Love and Respect book is giving me some ideas for next year.
- I missed my partner during the second Mexico trip. Wish she had come.
- My temper still got the best of me a few times, responding to my dad or my mom in ways that could have been kinder.
- Wish I had a friend nearby to lean on in times of stress. A guy friend in particular.
Intention:
Care for my inner self like I would for a dear friend.
I was between an A- and B+ this this year. But I'm going on the higher end as I'm finishing the year with an open heart and with trust that I will find more kindness and compassion through surrender: giving myself and others time and space. I hope that by allowing my faith to guide me I will find peace and relief, as opposed to trying to figure it all out myself, and figure it out NOW! I can be such a fixer...
Mental: Journal and Appreciate, Sustainably
Grade: B+
Affirmation:
I notice and recognize good efforts myself and others make.
This year I stepped back from work mentally in many ways. I started the year with a fun project and really enjoyed getting involved in that. Of course there were a few things about it I could have handled better, such as putting less pressure on my teammates when it comes to budget. I was really excited in the first part of the year. And then some challenges came. And lengthy processes for legal decisions. And lots of inner turmoil.
Overall I dealt with it pretty well, but I did have some sleepless nights. And then starting mid year I kind of pulled away and enjoyed my personal life more and more. I occasionally felt bad about this, but for the most part I let myself go through with it and I don't have any major regrets as the year comes to an end. Things worked out, the business is still afloat, and I contributed a solid effort to what was needed when it was needed. I'm proud for being able to shake off the guilt of not putting work first at all times. As a business owner, that's always been a tough priority to balance with the rest of my life.
Then as the year came to a close, I spent a lot of time thinking in circles about my relationships, things I've done, what I want out of life. I ended up questioning a lot more than I probably should have. But I also realized that things in my life had degraded a bit more than I initially thought.
I still struggle with patience and fighting the urge to fix something right away or say something right away and get what's on my mind and in my heart out. But sometimes that really doesn't serve me and it hurts those I care about.
Despite some poor decisions and poor emotional outbursts, if I look at what happened with some grace, there has been a lot of good and growing up as well. One sad and heavy insight is that I'm entering midlife, when starting over like I was young is no longer a great option. Sure it's possible, but it means a lot more sacrifice. I have built a lot in my life to get to this point, and I have been with my partner for nine years, and I live where I live. And for the most part I embrace that. But there has been a part of me, challenged to want to flee from responsibilities and live a life of adventure without any burdens. There's heavy feelings as relationships mature and I start looking in the far future, and my parents need more support, and I'm just not as young to give everything up and make drastic changes. As the year comes to a close, I'm letting go of that resistance. I'm looking into the future with hope that by surrendering and trusting in the path things take, I can live with lightness and acceptance. Because the only way to build something meaningful is to commit and stick with it.
I have some regrets and some resentment in my life. With how my relationship with my partner has turned out and how my parents are managing. I just wish it was all easier. I wish that things hadn't gotten so degraded. I wish that I had stepped up more and paying more attention. I wish that I hadn't rationalized things to this point.
But what's done is done. I must be present and look to the future. And I'm grateful to have the awareness brought on where things are at, so I can intentionally and patiently steer things, and trust in a better direction.
Well:
- I paid pretty good attention when I was stressed.
- I started adding Kudos to our team meetings at work, and made an effort to recognize good work. Felt some appreciation in return, as well. Work environment was more relaxed over time.
- Enjoyed solving problems with less stress. In particular enjoyed using AI tools to help me with all sorts of things: mostly programming, but also tasks around the house, emotional support for others.
- Read a wonderful book about not hurrying--The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, and it really stuck with me. I still think about it months later. I was embodying it very well in Mexico.
- I journaled even more in Romanian, especially in November!
- I worked at a more sustainable pace last year. I averaged 25 hours of work per week, up to 30 if 8 of those weeks would have been off (2 weeks a quarter). That feels like a good pace.
- Rested more. Started observing Sabbath on Saturdays (more about this in the spiritual goal)
- Started using Whispering for dictation. Started using AI to get work done and combining that with voice dictation as well.
- The reinforcement helped: "There is always plenty of time. There is no other good way to work."
Nell:
- Did not journal much until I returned from my trip in November (on the flight actually). I started the year trying, but most mornings I felt like I was just writing down what happened with no reflection.
- I think I read one Romanian book that I gave to my parents after, but didn't get to Romanian audiobooks yet. I didn't listen to as many audiobooks this year.
- Could take more breaks during the workday still.
- I still have the tendency to make things harder for myself, by justifying my tendencies to problem-solve or reasoning that something needs to be figured out. When something is important to me, I want to figure it out ASAP. I also don't want to hold things in or carry any weight.
- Boundaries are still a challenge: I rarely worked late because I didn't work many long days, but I would use my phone in the evenings, and sometimes laptop too. It was tough at times, because I would have responsibilities other days or take a day off to go kite, or I would get started late with the workday, so I would allow that flexibility. This is a tough one to handle, but the main reason for the boundary is to keep stress levels and sleep in a good place, and I did that pretty well.
Intention:
Create space, awareness, and calm in my mind and my environment.
I said it well in last year's mental goals that I would focus more on emotions as a gateway to my mental health. It seems like that is one of my challenges, kind of dwelling in circles between emotions and thoughts.
I did better this year mentally. Although I finished off with some tough challenges and a lot of self-doubt and second guessing. I feel like now I am looking to rebuild my self-confidence and trust in my decision making. Hence the B+.
Spiritual: Cherish what Life Brings Today
Grade: A-
Affirmation:
I cherish today, all it has to offer, and appreciate chance to share it with others.
When this year started, I couldn't have predicted where I would be spiritually in 2025 by the end. By April I found myself going to church regularly, which I wouldn't have guessed. The process is still ongoing and I feel like it's a slow and steady change. But it feels like a definite change. And then as the year ended with three major life events that felt largely outside of my control, even when I participated in them, I recognize that I am so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. That life is a lot about the growth of our soul over time. And less about all the material things. And even our relationships with other people are secondary to the big picture.
This all culminated with my Mexico trip. I went by myself this time, and I started out by seeing the sunrise on the very first day. And for two weeks straight, waking up to see the sunrise every day. Listening to worship music at the apartment. Swimming for fifteen to twenty minutes, sometimes twice a day, walking down the beach, getting some sun, doing my stretches as the sun came up. Going to bed around nine o'clock. No drinking. Taking time to see baby turtles coming out of the sand and heading to the water. Taking time to talk to people and get to know them. Being open hearted. Then I let myself go down a path that did not serve me. In the long term, this will teach me about who I really want to be and forced me to work through my values, boundaries, and what I stand for. But in the short term, it caused a lot of pain and suffering.
This will take me into 2026. With a need for patience, trust, and faith.
Well:
- Connected to my inner self and others deeply. I spent a lot of time driving this year, to Wyoming, to Nebraska, to Aurora, to my parents. During these times I would introspect and also enjoy seeing the mountains. Nature.
- I camped a few times and got to see the sunrise. I saw so many sunrises this year and quite a few sunsets as well. I found a lot of peace in these moments. Sometimes sadness or joy. They opened my heart and helped me be present. I feel a deeper connection with God from spending so much more time connected to nature and patient when it comes to the wind or work or time in general to the next thing.
- I really got into kite foiling at the lakes this year. This culminated in some beautiful light wind kitefoiling in Mexico as well, where I really learned to improve my turns.
- I also have a beautiful memory of kiting in shallow water in the pond in Wyoming and enjoying the opportunity to jump into some tricks and just be happy that I have such a beautiful place to ride in.
- I have another beautiful memory with Kristen taking a video of me in Wyoming and us camping together there and feeling the rain overnight like it was such a strong storm. But then waking up to the car being dry in the middle of the night. I remember hiding in the pond and smiling and being so happy the next day that I got a chance to ride.
- While this year didn't involve much travel with my partner, I did take those two trips to Mexico and I spent a lot of time by myself with nature. I also met people and got to know them and more openly and warmly talked to them.
- I bonded with my partner over our world views and grew more closely together through God. As the year was coming to an end, I felt like she was making an effort to move towards me and be there for me in the ways that mattered to me most. I tried to do the same for her and look to continue that into the next year.
- I didn't expect to develop a commitment to connecting to God. But I think it has come at the right time in my life as I'm entering midlife and more challenges are arising, and there's just no way that I can plan and control everything. I can't do it all on my own. And the more I find it, the more I try to be perfect, the more difficult the resistance and pushback would be.
- I wasn't really able to celebrate what my body is able to do this year. I was also able to support my partner through her journey with her body and continue to love her as she would struggle at times. I had a lot to celebrate in what I've been able to do this year physically: kite many days, swim strongly, recover my shoulder strength and mobility, all while driving a lot and losing weight. It took a lot of determination and perseverance.
- I switched from meditations to prayer. And I would like to deepen that relationship into the new year.
- I spend some beautiful time with my parents, connecting to them, and learning and listening. And being kind, although not perfect.
Nell:
- Did not meditate much this year
- I'm craving more intimacy with my partner and feeling more confident that I am a good partner to her and she is one to me. Relationships are hard, and as we're in our tenth year together, it feels like a time for recommitment and intentional support and kindness towards each other. Trusting and having faith in God to help us find a new spark.
- I felt a lot of self blame this year and resentment for parts of my life. I felt annoyed or had a tough time understanding others at times. This lead to some regrets and some bad decisions.
Intention:
Celebrate getting through each day, being present and kind.
This year was a much deeper spiritual journey than I anticipated. And I'm now in a place where I don't feel ready rationally to surrender so much faith. But I also kind of don't have a choice if I want to find a path to more peace and less blame. Especially blame over myself.
2024 goals
Quick review of 2024's goals, what's changed after another year?
- Physical: Steady and Balanced
- [+] PT switched to a more holistic and functional approach through my chiropractor. Great progress!
- [+] Did some pilates and workouts. Then moved more towards strengthening my shoulders: great progress again!
- [+] Less upper body stress and eye strain (although still present, it's never gonna be 100% not there)
- [+] Much better digestion. Better understanding of mineral-rich meals, fibers.
- [+] Amazing growth in swimming, kiteboarding, kitefoiling.
- Emotional: Warmth and Connectedness
- [+] Less time in alert mode!
- [+] Deepened relationships and presence when driving, being with kite buddies
- [+] Effort to deepen my relationship with my partner and my parents. Not always smooth but going!
- [-] Would like to be kinder and less temperamental/analytical in my responses.
- Mental: Tranquility, Roots and Leadership
- [+] Lower stress, treadmill, less urgency
- [+] Great recognition and encouragement at work, I feel pretty good about my leadership
- [-] Didn't read much in Romanian, but got into journaling more in Romanian EOY.
- [-] Lot of self blame, still rough with myself. Making bad decisions, not being strong enough, second guessing.
- Spiritual: Fly and Play
- [+] More time alone on trips, driving, kite days. Nature.
- [+] Less hurry, more self care.
- [-] Self doubt as I feel I don't measure up to what God expects of me...
- [-] Did not meditate much, probably gonna cancel my subscription. Switched to prayer.
- [-] Struggle with self-compassion, I am hard on myself.
What now?
My theme for 2026 is trust and faith. Together they mean more than individually.
- Trust feels a lot more like something one can build, with more control, direction. Trust can also be earned and it is a two-way feeling, but it can also be taken as trust in oneself. This year has shaken me up in more than one way, and I want to rebuild my trust and confidence.
- Faith, meanwhile, is a lot more about suspending judgment and reason. It's a sort of blind trust, taking a leap and hoping that I land somewhere good. I feel I need this now more than ever, as so many of life's turns are outside my control.
This year I'm really starting with the personal focus and would revisit with a business mindset once I get all the personal ambitions sorted.
Reading my top six values from last year, it's interesting how much they still resonate.
- Health - placing importance on physical and emotional wellbeing
- Relationships - connections between and among people
- Play - imagination, spontaneity, the ability to be amused
- Stability - taking on day to day activities in a calm and consistent manner
- Spirituality - appreciating the need to understand one's inner self and its relationship with the world
- Recognition - acknowledgment and/or validation
In particular, I'm drawn to play and recognition, but spirituality is the one calling me the most.
If it was December 2026 and I looked back on the year, where would I want to be?
- Physical: Trust in my Strong, Healing Body
- Emotional: Allow Time and Faith to Guide Me
- Mental: Strong, Committed, but Limited
- Spiritual: Guided by Faith and Time Perspective
Physical: Trust in my Strong, Healing Body
Physically I'm in a really good place from a year ago.
There is still some pain in the left calf, weakness in the left bicep and shoulder (in particular bicep curls and shoulder rotation), left forearm can get sore, and the right shoulder has been acting up a bit since October or so. I got a new office chair that caves in less around the shoulders, hoping it will lead to a more open stance at my desk.
Applying the trust and faith team here means trusting in my body to know when to rest and listening to it. Having faith that my body is strong and wants to remain strong.
Well enough what I would do would just continue my activities from 2025. I might actually have a hard time staying quite as active due to other challenges with family and my partner, so I have to give myself some grace here, especially given 2025 was a record-breaking year (at least since 2020, if not longer).
I have reminders in place to use tools, take breaks. I got a treadmill mid-year and started using it.
My intention for 2025:
Trust my body to know when to rest and when to work hard.
Affirmation:
I have faith in my physical strength, and set aside time to care for my body.
- Enjoy every move
- A big theme from 2025, especially starting with my November trip to Mexico (but, I think, even before), I feel like I enjoy any excuse to move until I tire (and I tire less). Even going up and down the stairs in the house. I'm just happy to be moving.
- Walks: at least 30m a day. Use a treadmill while working
- Stand at the desk more--after every hour.
- Swim 2x/week or more (currently doing 4x and loving it). Maybe learn some new swim styles: breast stroke, butterfly. Sharpen dolphin kicks
- Weight lift 1x-2x/week, add in exercises while taking breaks from work. I'd like to get to 3x/week of weights, and getting stronger, but that really depends on the maintenance program I follow with chiropractic and functional movement.
- Continue strengthening and following the program from chiropractor
- Rest intentionally
- Trust in the power of rest.
- Rest at least 1x/week
- Rest at least 1 full week every other month (or 2 half-weeks?)
- Trust in my body
- This one's a bit hard to explain, but I can say what it looks like.
- When I feel the need to rest, I rest.
- I check in with my body regularly, multiple times a day.
- I pay attention to what feels tight, what feels strong.
- I treat my body care, affection, attention.
- In general, I leave space and time for this to happen naturally, instead of pushing through like I am used to doing.
And have faith that this will be enough. I don't need to be pushing hard every week. I love the momentum I have today and would love to keep this going.
Emotional: Allow Time and Faith to Guide Me
2025 was hard emotionally, perhaps the hardest year since I moved to the United States. Tough challenges with my parents as they are aging and my dad needs more support. Tough challenges in my relationship with my partner as I made some mistakes that I deeply regret, which in turn also highlighted that our relationship was missing the mark for both of us.
I feel like emotions are closer to the surface and I have a more open heart than I have had in years. I cried more in November and December of this year than perhaps the last five years of my life or more. All of this has stirred up a lot of energy and seems to be playing well with keeping me motivated to move. I'm discovering that in a way opening my heart like this makes me feel really alive and makes me appreciate moments more dearly.
To integrate trust and faith into my emotions, it feels really more about faith than anything. Trust comes in that I'm a good person. I have good intentions and I try to do well by those I care about. Faith would help me accept that I can't figure out my emotions or other people's emotions and I can't control them. I have to let things run their course and time and gentle guidance to help point me in the right direction. And that's where faith comes in as well by helping me align what I believe in and the goodness, joy, and love of God with who I want to be and how I want to treat others.
Intention:
Trust that I am a good person and strengthen my faith to guide me towards who I want to be.
Affirmation:
I channel my emotions through movement and believe in the power of time to allow them to take a good course forward.
Breakdown:
- Feel and let time pass
- Let emotions take their course. I can still write down my feelings and ideas, but don't act on them when they're nebulous and going around in circles. Just let time pass, sit with them as needed, although it's not good to get stuck on them and feel them over and over again. Look forward, or breathe through and let it pass. Stop thinking in circles.
- Listen to Romanian audiobooks to practice my native tongue (try Voxa?)
- Forgive myself
- Forgive myself for mistakes, for "wasting time" or "wasting energy" thinking about things over and over.
- Avoid circles of self-blame, and avoid blaming others too. I can feel upset and write things down, etc, but don't get hung up on them.
- Trust and connection
- Trust in my partner and other close ones' good intentions.
- If I feel disconnected, reach out with an offer to reconnect and show love, caring, respect
- Check in with myself and revisit my values, convictions. Sit in silence. Sit with God. Pray. Ask for guidance.
- Support my partner, love her unconditionally. Remember her intentions are good.
- Support my parents. Commit to 1x/week as of now, visiting them and helping with something.
This is much more about surrender, trust and faith than about how I feel in the moment. More about letting time pass and looking ahead with hope that things will work out. I spend a lot of time trying hard to guide things myself, to control and wrangle my emotions or others' responses.
Mental: Strong, Committed, but Limited
There were two major mental challenges this year. One was professional and one was personal.
The professional one made me question my perspective and cause some sleepless nights and self-doubt in my abilities to lead and be a good leader. I came through feeling acceptance for what's out of my control and understanding that perspectives can differ while not necessarily making me a bad person.
The big challenge that surfaced at the end of the year is where my commitments lie. Can I be there for those who depend on me and for myself to follow through on what I really want out of life? Can I build something meaningful even when it is hard? Can I trust that there is a greater understanding out there than my own and that I can't solve some problems even if I tried to know and control everything possible?
My mind is strong, sharp, able to figure out so many things. It's not always committed to the things that serve me best, but it sure is stubborn. Finally, it's got a limited perspective, and always will. I can't know everything.
Intention:
Commit to a meaningful life, even when it's hard. Be present, look forward, trust and let go.
Affirmation:
I believe God looks out for me and my mind alone can't solve all my problems.
Breakdown:
- Check in with my commitments
- What are my values, what do I say yes to and what are the thousands of things I say no to in order to honor my commitments? Having a partner, parents, building a family and business. These all require saying no to lots of other things
- Care for my health, my well being
- Reach for healthy habits that energize me or give my mind a break, whether it's swimming, laying down and taking a breath, smelling something relaxing like rose or lavender, etc
- Read "Traction" book (EOS)
- I am not alone
- Seek connection when I need support. Offer what I can, bring something forward, with care, first and ask for support gently.
- Read, write, or pray for strength and guidance. Surrender to a greater help than I could possibly get from myself or others, through God.
- Trust the reasons behind my struggles
- Look beyond my worries or constant inner turmoil and try to find what's really the hot thought or fear. Do I fear being alone? Being a bad person? Being unworthy of what I have?
- When I feel full of self-doubt and want to blame my mind for being so annoyingly persistent, remember I am only human. I don't and can't know everything, and no amount of struggle is gonna give me an easy answer. Trust in God, allow thoughts time and space to turn on their own: don't force a fix now.
Mentally, I still beat myself up a lot and go around in circles. I also tend to want to pursue my thoughts and can lose sight of my commitments and the bigger, long-term picture.
Spiritual: Guided by Faith and Time Perspective
My spirits were growing and looking up through most of 2025. The last 2 months brought heavy questioning and opportunities to look at myself in the mirror and ask myself who am I? What do I believe in? What's really important to me? Am I really living in my life as-is, or dreaming of some other life?
For 2026, I'm committing to reading scripture and exploring my relationship to God on a deeper level. Although rationally I'm curious and open emotionally, I don't feel a strong conviction or deep connection at all times. I have many doubts. Many doubts in myself also and my own strength.
Intention:
Spend time with God each day. Pray, trust, have faith, surrender.
Affirmation:
I believe my soul is here to grow, and commit to live a meaningful, honorable life.
Breakdown:
- Read scripture
- Bible in a year
- Live more biblically
- Look at biblical values for marriage, relationships, business, and live through those
- Read Love & Respect and other books (Boundaries, maybe)
- Widen my perspective
- Keep in mind there is a great God who knows much more than I do, loves me, and wants to make my burden easier through faith.
This one is the most concrete and the most abstract at the same time? I know reading will help me. And yet having faith and feeling it is not that natural for me. It will take time.
I don't know what 2026 will bring in this regard, I didn't expect 2025 to bring what it did... but I am hopeful that the heavy burdens I feel today will lighten and I'll come through wiser, more loving, and more joyful. I want to keep my inner playful youthful spirit.
What's going to guide me best this year is faith. And when I say time perspective, I mean letting time give me perspective before pursuing a major change or new direction.
Final Reflection
2025 started and ended with challenges, but it was a beautiful year with so many gifts and opportunities to learn, grow, and enjoy life.
- Again started Q1 with hard work and travels just like last year.
- Got a ton of days on the water this year. And really enjoyed time to myself and with friends.
- Although I didn't travel to any new country this year, I explored a lot by being president, by be visiting the same places more times, and one fun drive to Nebraska with a camping trip.
- Really improved my foiling skills, especially in light wind. And I'm now feeling more confident about going out in Colorado and Wyoming. And just excited to enjoy something I had a lot of difficulty with and fears around. There were several times in my last Mexico trip when I would be the only one on the water being able to make it work with the foil.
- Proud of myself for sticking to healthy habits during times of stress such as swimming.
- Really love slowing down and letting go of hurry. Observing Sabbath, seeing so many sunrises and taking slow walks on the beach, swimming to see fish, and just spending time enjoying nature at its pace and being present and resting. I think this might be a reason I feel so much motivation to enjoy life as well.
- I can swim 1km without breaks now, and switched from drinking calories to drinking water.
- Lots of progress in physical recovery and strengthening my shoulders and my legs. I feel better than I have in years.
- Feeling hopeful and inspired about deepening my connection to my partner and my family.
My goals for 2026 feel more spiritual, emotional, and relaxed. And also an extension of 2025 in many ways.
I'm really excited to look back on the year in 12 months and see where life has taken me. I hope I can find more trust in myself and live a fuller, more meaningful life!